Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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