My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize