none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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