He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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