I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Say something about gay babies.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
