if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
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