I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
