I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Just high enough for therapy.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize