You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
there is puke in my bra ... again
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
