I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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