I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
My Higher Power is John Stamos
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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