I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
