when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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