So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
