Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
