K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
