Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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