is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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