WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
