god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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