Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize