the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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