Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize