i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
