I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
