she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
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It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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