I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I just want nice things and good sex
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
