just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
