we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
