I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
