No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Randomize
