Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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