Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
