If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
