Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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