i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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