I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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