Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
