I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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