i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I could make wine with my vomit
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Randomize
