My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
