OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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