when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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