Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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