we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
