So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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