My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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