I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
