Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
