I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
