"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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