This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
