nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
