good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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