It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I supernannyed him into submission
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Randomize