You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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