dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize
