If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
