My liver just broke up with me...
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
