foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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