Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
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