just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
