if you like me you must not know who I am
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Randomize
