Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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