So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
