I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
