Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
