If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
