You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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