id be glad to
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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