If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
