made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
it's not cheating when I paid for it
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Randomize