i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
