i think i have herpe
just one?
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
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