I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Randomize
