i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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