im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Randomize
