i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
