On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
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