Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
