But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
