I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
hell yes lets make some ravioli
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
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