i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Randomize
