I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
