I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
