You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
