someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
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