Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
