and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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