I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
