I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
