If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
