we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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