I look better un-naked...
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
