i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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